Hello, my name is Mark I'm 36
and I'm recovering gambling
addict now I'm not a teacher,
counsellor or therapist.
I'm someone who lived through a
gambling addiction for 13 years
and went to hell and back and took
my friends and family with me.
I was brought up a single mum in Bolton.
My dad left home when I was
about four years old.
Now in all honesty I didn't really
miss my dad because I got a lot of
love and attention off my mum and
the rest of my family and I had lots
of friends and I was a happy child.
So I started progressing at one thing
and it wasn't at school as a young
lad Astat progressing at football by
the age of about 9:00 I was playing
for my local amateur team by 11
or progressed even more and I was
playing for Bolton Wanderers by 13.
I was playing for Man City.
I also played for the town team in the
County and a captain and number them sides.
Everything was going well for me as
a young lad I was happy I was loved.
Lots of friends and family now
would reason I tell you that is was
because there is no warning signs.
Of addiction for me from a young gauge
gambling wasn't really in my life.
My dad wasn't around at that point.
I was happy and I was loved.
I had no brothers or sisters,
so I was really close to my mum.
There was just me and her in the
household and like I said I was
happy and content at the age of 15
I had a major life event happen and
I found out I was going to be a
dad whilst I was still at school.
Now remember finding out that
news walking on a local park and
literally crying for two hours.
With my head in my hands,
I went home to my mum that day and she asked,
was everything OK and a light
Tourer said ya was completely fine
and had a good day at school.
However,
our side in what was really going
on now me pretending that I was okay
with something that I went on to do
for the next 13 years and I almost
became God it it was at this age.
I really developed a dysfunctional way
of dealing with stress around this time.
I was also re introduced to my real dad.
My dad had been living in London
for a number of years.
He returned home and asked me to meet him.
And I went to met him in a local pub
and I remember him giving me 20 pounds
and told him that was my betting money.
Now at that point had never gambled.
I wasn't aware of gambling.
Like I said,
I wasn't around it and I remember
being quite confused to what
it was given in this money.
For however,
that dare went and pick some horses in
the bookies. I remember going back to
the pub each time and sometimes at
one amid Arabic Pat me on the back,
you know. And I felt like it
was something I was good at.
I think I walked in the bookies
that they're about 20 pound.
Walked out with around 800 pound
which for me is a 15 year old
lad was absolutely massive.
I had a job at that time that
paid £20 on a Saturday morning.
I had a job raking leaves for 10 pound,
sort of £800 for me,
was like months and months of my
salary and it was that quick fix.
I also know how it made me feel the
adrenaline rush similar to football.
I remember seeing all the lights in
the bookies and being absolutely
fascinated and the one thing that I
wanted to do was go back the week after.
And do it again around that time.
My football would be starting
to suffer at Man City.
I wasn't really taking it serious.
Now I don't think I was good enough to
make it as a professional footballer.
However,
when I got released at the age of 16,
that routine and structure that had
from being a young lad completely
been replaced with gambling.
So every Saturday I will go and meet
my dad at the pub and pick some horses,
run over to the bookies,
picking horses out and started
gambling every single week.
On leaving school I got a job as
an apprentice electrician which
had started doing doing well at.
However,
every Friday I will get my wages
and run to the bookies and couldn't
wait to pick some ***** in some dogs
and football bets and I started
back on several different markets.
Then it wasn't just a roulette
machine by the age of 17 itself
as a full blown gambling addict
and it was becoming a problem.
Why it becomes a problem at
started to get consequences.
So I'll be loaning money off
friends and family members.
I've not paid my Mama keep
and cracks started to appear,
so I describe myself in there beginning
in this Storey is being close to my mum.
This was the first time I really
started to fallout with people around
me and people that are loved and
that's something that I didn't intend to do.
You know,
I never meant to hurt anybody.
However,
that's what it started to do by
the age of 21 things,
it took a really dark term for me
because I've gone from every person
learning money had gone to banks
to overdrafts to payday loans.
When that run out,
I started to go to the wrong type
of people and the likes of loan
sharks know when you don't pay
a loan shark some money back.
It's a little bit different to
not paying a bank back.
On one occasion I order group of
people 1000 Pound the Cayman look.
Look for me,
find me an and run up behind
me and hit me over the head with a hammer.
I remember waking up in the back of a
taxi on the way to Bolton Hospital,
wondering what had just happened.
Now you might just think at this point.
Why didn't you stop gambling?
If this was happening?
In all honesty,
I didn't think I had an addiction.
I thought I had a financial problem.
I thought if someone came along
and gave me a huge amount of money,
my problems would be fixed.
But I remember around this time my
debts being paid 10 times over and
I always went back to gambling.
The warning signs were there early
on I could never collect my winnings
or was always chasing my losses.
I was getting in financial difficulty
and my mental health would really
be started to affect it.
But I still didn't class myself
as having a real big problem.
Then I was always chasing that one big win.
That big win came over 10 times
around our one money around this
time and I continue to win money for
the next seven years of my gambling.
But I never stopped and that was
a big warning sign.
I could never feel like a stopped.
So after that attack,
my family found out about it and
they push me to get some help and
told me to go to Gamblers Anonymous.
I remember going to my first
meeting and looking around.
And almost comparing myself to
everybody else in the room,
and I looked at one block and far,
you know he's lost his house, his family.
I'm not at that point.
I've not lost my career.
I'm still doing okay.
I still get up everyday and go to work.
Therefore, I've not got a problem.
So the week after I didn't go
back to Gamblers Anonymous and I
didn't really take it seriously,
I went into the half heartedly I
remember a couple of weeks later telling
my mum had gone to that meeting,
finding out that had not gone to
it and being in floods of tears.
Which I didn't really feel like a big
deal in a for everything to be okay,
and therefore I carried on.
Despite this,
I've managed to progress in my
career and at this point I was in
a middle of middle of my degree.
I was a QS on a building site so
we had quite an important job.
I was going to work everyday in a
shirt and tie and things from the
outside seems to be going well.
If someone would have looked in
from outside and seeing me,
they would see me in my company
car and it shouldn't.
I thought I had it all going on however.
I was having suicidal thoughts
by by the age of about 20,
three a mental health was on the floor
and I was gambling every single day.
By the age of about 24,
I owed one group of people 10,000 pound.
We were quite serious people and making
quite serious threats to my family.
On one Friday I got home from work
and someone had been round my mums
house looking for me and she was in
floods of tears and she begged me to
leave the country and get out of the
way and I remember being installed.
Shocking thinking, you know what
you mean by me leaving the country?
I can't leave my job.
I can't leave my two children.
And she said, you're not being a good dad.
You're not being a good son.
You're not going to qualify and Pasha
degree you managing to ruin your life
and know you put in not only your life
in danger but your family's life in danger.
I remember thinking you know
what I'm going to do and my mum
got a laptop out and she said,
you know,
will find somewhere for you to go
so literally that Friday I went
to work as a que estan issuance.
I and on the Monday I walk up in
the Channel Islands which is a long
way from where I live and starting
a new life and remember turning up
on the island with my bag over my
shoulder and pictures of my children
in there and thinking, you know,
I've gotta start again but I thought
I'd be okay on the island Becausr.
And there is no bookies and I
couldn't get in trouble there.
However,
that couldn't be further from the
truth within about two weeks at set,
an online betting account up and
managed to get a job in a kitchen
every time I got my wage I was,
I was gambling it on the account and had
also started to play cards down their cards.
Being something that I've never done before,
but it was just anywhere that I could
find to gamble and at that point
I would have gambled on anything
and I often thought you know,
if I get this one big win,
I'll be able to move back home,
pay my debts off and everything would be.
Will be fine.
So for the next 12 months a chase
that when however I got even
even more difficulty an my mental
health was on the floor.
Had not started at stop pay my
rent down there as well so I was
getting even even more trouble.
And after about 12 months I decided
I was going to ring my dad because
I found out that he was in over in
Ireland working with some other
family members of mine over there
and I went over and started again
and runaway from SAC with even more.
Unpaid debts when I arrived in Ireland,
I was happy to see that my cousin
was the Aaron who was 21 at the time,
so I've missed my family.
Had missed them for the last two years,
so was delighted to see Aaron was
the for the next 4 weeks.
We hit the town in Dublin and went
on a few nights so I was just really
glad to be around my family again.
Now after about four.
Weeks of being the Aaron went
on to Bolton for the weekend.
I run at the time had just passed
these pedigri was going to be a PE
teacher and he was working with
my dad at the time over an island
just for a bit of extra money until
he got a job as a PE teacher.
Know when he returned home to Bolton that
weekend he had a fallout with his girlfriend.
He took his own life,
which was a massive shock and I remember
finding out and being installed shark.
My auntie and uncles were in
absolute pieces over at an.
It was devastating for our family.
I remember being in total shock and
having to go home and carry his coffin.
Anne and I remember around that time
my gambling just went even more worse.
I remember you know,
gambling with something.
For me that was an escape from every emotion.
So every time I was stressed if I was
gambling I was for getting about it.
But more often than not,
the gambling would make it all worse.
And that's what it just did.
After RNS funeral,
I decided I was going to go back to
Dublin and hideaway again because
people were still looking for me
in Bolton and I stayed over in
Dublin for the next 12 months.
Again,
whilst there was the I got a good
job I was getting up for work.
Every single day I gotta get out
of quite a well paid job as well.
Going to work everyday in a shirt and tie.
I have my own office and people
would have thought you know I
had everything going together.
However,
I would gamble my wage every
Friday when I got it,
which was quite a high salary
by 7:00 o'clock at night.
On that Friday I had no money left and
at the time I was living with someone
who was a labourer on a building site.
It was on much less money than me.
However he was paying for all the bills,
buying the shopping.
Which was,
you know,
it wasn't fair on that lad,
but that's what gambling is doing to me.
My dad was finding out even more.
So what I was doing and was
getting really upset with me.
But my dad was probably the worst
person to be around at that time
because he was gambling more
or less every single day.
So after about two years of
literally being on the run,
I decided I was going to go back
to Bolton and trying to face these
people that I owed money to on
the way back to Bolton.
I was also speaking to a girl.
An when you previously and I
ended up being in a relationship
when I got back to Bolton and I
remember one of the first
things she asked me.
You know I got a problem or she did
that got a gambling problem and I
played it down because there is no way
that I was going to tell somebody or
a girl that I was in a relationship
with that I had a gambling problem.
I wanted to think that I had it all going on.
That was quite successful.
Identical job whilst I was in Ireland.
There is no way I was going to tell her I was
a full blown gambling addict who was regular.
Having suicidal thoughts,
and therefore I reinvented myself once again
despite all this going on and managed to
get a good job for a construction company,
and I worked my way up to a managerial level.
Again going to work everyday,
I'd show up on time and all my work
colleagues would have seen me laughing,
joking and smiling and still
doing quite well at my job.
And I don't know how I managed to do that,
but I had a lot of resilience at this point.
Bought around this time,
this is when my gambling really
spiralled out of control.
Just because I was trying to
pay this 10,000 pound off that
I still owed from before I left.
For the next three years,
I was literally chasing my losses loaning
money off so many different people
and getting in also allsorts and Max.
It was around this time I'd say I've
become a bit of a con man or a full
blown con man if I'm totally honest.
I was going to people with business
propositions asking him to invest
in things that didn't really exist.
I was selling fresh air.
If I'm totally honest.
I never had one products or thing
that I was selling.
I just became a really good liar
around this time.
My girlfriend and even always gambling.
She just seemed warning signs
of erratic behaviour.
You know that they often times where
she think I was going out with her
on a Friday for a meal and I caused
an argument so I didn't have to
go out because I gambled all the
money and I just felt like I was
spinning so many plates around.
This time in my life was
completely falling apart.
The people that will go into or
becoming more and more serious as well,
so was loaning money off not only
normal people and businessmen,
but people who are quite dangerous.
At the age of 29,
I actually got kidnapped off a group
of people because I owed them money.
They bundled me into the back of the
car and they asked for my phone off
me and they Rang my mum and my dad.
My mum was at work at the time and
thankfully my mum and dad Rang the
police and the police put a tracker on
my phone and I was rescued that day,
but when I was in the back of
that car I was thinking however got here.
You know, I always thought of
myself as being a good lad,
popular having lots of friends and family.
Any of our walls at the age of 29
completely broken or in allsorts of people
money and in quite a lot of trouble.
Thankfully the police rescue
me that day and you know,
I might not been sat here today.
It did not rescue me,
but that time my mental health
was completely on the 4th floor.
It was at this time a family,
said enough's enough and they didn't
want me in your life anymore.
And they said, you know,
they don't want to speak to
me anymore and that was it.
Turning point for me where I
felt like I lost everyone.
My girlfriend at the time broke up with me.
I lost all my family and because I
was putting them in serious danger,
I wasn't being a good dad,
a godson I was failing at my career
and I was having regular suicidal
thoughts and I honestly for how am I
going to get out of all this trouble?
I all that many people money
I can't stop gambling.
I've tried a number of times
and failed miserably.
There is no way out and I
used to get home from work.
Literally go on.
The Internet and look at ways to
take in my own life and I'm so
glad that I gritted my teeth.
An admitted that I've got a
serious problem that I felt
like I needed professional help.
So at the age of 29,
after losing my family,
you know my friends keeping me at arms
length and feeling like I was on the floor.
That is the first time that I reached out
and took it serious and ask for help.
An help for me was going to rehab
and I remember turn up not knowing
what to expect and thinking.
These people never, you know, help me.
I'll never be able to stop and you know,
not really believing that would ever stop.
I would think I was just for
a bit of a break.
However,
what I did decide was I was going
to be open minded and I was going
to give it 100% and one of the
first things they did when I got
to re add the asked me to write
my debts down and when I wrote
my debts there and it was 24.
Different groups or gangs of people,
and it was at 300 and 6000 pound.
Now.
For me,
I was in total shock by that I
didn't know why or because I've lived
this crazy manic life and remember
thinking how am I going to pay that back?
However,
the first thing they did tell me
was focused on your addiction.
This time around,
part the money for now and will get
to that an what you really need
help for your your addiction and
your mental health that you've been
going through and suffering with an stayed
in rehab for about 9 months in soil.
And that's where I managed
to turn my life around.
I was open minded again to 100%.
There was still bumps in the road.
I'll learn a lot about myself in recovery
and some of it was really difficult.
There were times where I felt like running
off and then going back to my whole life,
but I'm so glad that I didn't.
You know, recovery for me now
doesn't mean my life is perfect.
I still go through stressful life events,
but thankfully since I entered
into recovery seven years ago,
I've not gambled since and
this is from someone.
You gamble for 13 years and every week,
every single more or less every
single day throughout that time.
So I'm now happy content, gamble free.
I've managed to get my family back.
I've managed to turn my life around,
spoke at the Age of Parliament,
have set the company up car wise up that I go
up and down the country and share my Storey.
And I absolutely love my job.
But what I do know is, you know,
I do daily positive action and I really
look after myself and I really work.
Hard to stay in recovery.
You know it's not the easiest thing to do,
but it's possible and I hope my Storey
can inspire someone no matter where
you are on your gambling journey.
And I'm not saying my problems
worse than anybody else is.
The fact is if it's affecting
your relationships.
If it's affecting your career is
affecting your mental health,
your finances,
then it really is time to
address it at that stop button.
I wish I did that stop button much,
much sooner.
There were warning signs.
From me, from the edge of seventeen,
2123 where I could have it that
start button and I never did.
Thankfully at the age of 29,
that's when I get that stop born
and I'm now you know I'm happy.
I'm happy with my family.
I'm in a relationship with someone I love.
You know I don't cause arguments
with that girl.
I'm really close to my mum again,
really close to the rest of my family man,
I'm a good dad,
you know,
and I could have never said
that when I was gambling.
I could have never said I was a good dad,
so thankfully I have turn it
round and I'm very very happy.